The Thing about Hattie the Chicken

Hattie (aka Hatch End), is a fine looking chicken. She sports a Donald Trump style comb-over, which makes her look as if she’s wearing a hat, so the name suits her. She is a fancy cross-breed who was advertised as laying pale blue eggs, which she did for about a week. After that she simply stopped without explanation. Now she is purely ornamental, and frankly, one niblet short of a corn cob.

The Hattie-the-Chicken 1.0 Owner’s Manual, if such a document existed, would state that this model was a little prone to catastrophic software crashes. Which is why she is sometimes found looking like she is break dancing!

Hattie models the Donald Trump look.

Hatties has a software crash.

Her friend Chicktoria is subject to similar glitches.

And sometimes they both suffer a total malfunction (and look dead) at the same time.

However, despite being prone to drama, Chicktoria basically knows which way is up and how to get out of the hen house without knocking the ladder over. Unlike Hattie. Chicktoria is thrilled if someone (me) throws mealworms, and will join the Henbley and The Black Chicken in enthusiastically scoffing them – their heads going up and down like frantic sewing machines – but Hattie just shrieks in excitement. She often picks up a worm in her beak, shrieks and drops it. It’s as if the sheer joy of the situation overloads her fragile mind. 

Hattie is the first chicken to trip over something, get stuck behind something and fail to spot the obvious way out of somewhere. She was once voted ‘Chicken-most-likely-to-attempt-to-perch-on-the-edge-of-an-empty-bucket-and-fall-in’. Strangely, despite her gossamer thin grasp on reality, the other chickens don’t pick on Hattie. Henbley props up the bottom of the hen hierarchy, whereas Hattie is tolerated in a slightly indulgent way, like one of those batty aunts that we all have.

Dear strange Hattie – I would feel sorry for her, but I think she’s perfectly happy.

Are they enjoying the sun or do they just need a recharge?